Saying Good-Bye To A Best Friend...In Memory Of Axle

We often think of our pets as our "best friends", but what happens when that "best friend" is suddenly gone?  A close family member of mine recently lost his dog, Axle, who was a part of our family for about 13 years.  Despite my uncle's usual "tough guy" demeanor, the loss of his #1 companion has really hit him hard.  So, I thought I'd try to help him and anyone else out there who might be suffering from a broken heart due to the loss of their favorite four-legged friend. 

 

When a parent, spouse, child or someone close to us dies, our loss is usually met with sympathy, comfort, and sincere condolences. We are allowed and even expected to grieve, cry, and fully embrace our emotions...whatever these might be.  Unfortunately, for all the pet owners who have experienced this kind of loss, the response from their friends and family often tells quite a different story.  Most people will not understand the depth of grief associated with the loss of a beloved pet.  Some may even express such insensitive comments as, "It was just an animal" or "Why don't you just get another pet?"   

 

People who don't have pets don't really understand the extraordinary human-animal bond.  Our pets love us without question or hesitation.  They don't judge our imperfections and they are truly accepting in ways few humans can achieve.  Not only do our animals provide us with their unconditional love, they also allow us to express parts of ourselves that we may never let other humans see.  They observe our weaknesses as well as our victories, and they stand beside us as we go  through the ups and downs of our lives.  During periods of turmoil, they provide us with security, stability and comfort.  For some of us, our pet is our only social companion in the world.  We may not have any other close contacts and we rely exclusively on our pet for support and love.

 

Having a pet is much like being a parent.  We are responsible for another life and often go to great lengths to ensure our pet’s physical and emotional comfort.  Consequently, the loss of a pet can feel like the loss of a child.  Many of our daily activities revolve around our animal companion’s needs.  Now we must say good-bye to feeding time, walking routes, and all the aspects that once made up our daily  routines.  These good-byes all contribute to the time and patience necessary to grieve the loss of a pet.

 

Here are a few tips to help you through this difficult mourning process:

 

* Be patient and kind with yourself:  This is the first key to dealing with your grief effectively.  Our losses are real, painful, and evoke a variety of feelings.  Any time you find yourself wishing you were better and wanting to be “past” it, remind yourself that your emotional processing has no set end time.  

 

* Find an ally: Find at least one sincere person, preferably a fellow pet owner, and talk to them about your loss.

 

* Share your pet’s life:  Write down your thoughts and feelings or tell your pet’s story to your ally.  When did you get your pet?  What are some special memories?  What will you miss the most?  This overview helps solidify the things you never want to forget about your furry friend.

 

* Engage in rituals:  Humans have a variety of ways to mourn.  We have funerals, ceremonies, and anniversaries to acknowledge the loved one's death.  These rites are designed to help us grieve and to remember our loved ones.  Create your own rituals for your pet like having a ceremony in the dog park or holding a service in a place special to you and your pet.

 

* Dispose of possessions gradually:  Often we encounter the food bowl, bed, or blankets and are unsure of what to do with them.  The first step can be to move them to a different location from where they usually were.  This helps the transition and lets you get used to them in different locations before removing them completely from your home.  When you are ready, put your pet’s tag on your key chain, seal his or her belongings in a trunk, or donate the items to an animal shelter.

 

* Memorialize your pet:  Plant a tree or a garden as these can be living tributes that will continue as reminders for years to come.  In some cases, local animal organizations may also offer special pet memorials in exchange for donations. 

 

There's no doubt that losing a pet is a traumatic experience. While we may be compelled to find ways to move through this period as quickly as possible, there will be times when we won’t have answers to our painful questions or activities to suppress our longings.  In these moments, think about what your pet would do if he or she found you sad and in pain?  The answer is clear; give you love, give you comfort, and stay with you for as long as you need.  This is an important lesson we can all learn  from our animal friends.

 

And now for a few personal words for my uncle in memory of his beloved Axle...

 

I lost a treasured friend today
The big old dog who used to lay
Right there with me in our favorite chair
Where silent thoughts between us were shared.
But no longer will he come upon hearing my voice
And no more will he chase the tiny geckoes
For a voice far greater than my own
Has finally called him home.
Although my eyes are filled with tears
I'm thankful for the many happy years
He spent down here with me
And for his love and loyalty.
When it is time for me to go
To join him there, this much I know
I shall not fear the dark
For he will greet me with a joyous bark!

 

Happy tails to you until we meet again!